An excellent piece from Anne Josephson.
1 word: Hi. Greet your child when they get in the car with “Hi” before you ask about practice, the score of the game, or homework.
2 words: Have fun. In all likelihood you’ve heard this statistic: 70% of kids quit sports before they turn 13 for the primary reason that they’re not having fun. Encourage and remind your kids to have fun.
3 words: Tell me more. Before forming an opinion or dispensing advice, ask for more information from your child. This will force them to tell more of the story and give you more information as to what is actually happening.
4 words: Good job. Keep working. Doc Rivers, Head Coach of the Los Angeles Clippers and the parent of an NBA player, suggests these four words. Rivers notes that, as parents, we’re often tempted to say more and to analyze performance. However, these four words may be all that’s needed for a child who needs support/reinforcement.
5 words: What’s new in your world? Ask your kids general questions that are not about their particular sport. Even if the reply is “nothing” it gives you the opportunity to share something about your day.
6 words: I love to watch you play. Best six words ever.
7 words: So what do you think about that? You know your opinion, so before you jump to tell your child what it is, ask what his/her opinion is. You’re not only learning more about what your child thinks but you’re also helping to develop critical thinking skills.
8 words: Is there something I can do to help? Before you give a solution or an action plan, ask if that is what the child really wants. Sometimes all the child wants to do is blow off some steam, and we jump directly to “solving” the problem.
9 words: You are more important to me than your achievements. You already know this to be true, but remind your child of it. In the absence of hearing this from you, your children might think that one of the reasons you love them is because of what they do, not because of who they are.
10 words: No matter what, I’m glad that I’m your parent. To be loved wholly and completely for exactly who we are, flaws and all, is the greatest gift one person can give another. Please give that gift to your child.
Anne Josephson is President and CEO of the Josephson Academy of Gymnastics (JAG) in Culver City, California. The coaching philosophy at JAG is one that puts the development of the child ahead of the development of the athlete.